Meltdown
by Dragonfire820
Summary: Just a fic I did when I was bored and listening to Meltdown. I always wondered just what was going on in that video, and I guess this is my own interpretation of it.     Vocaloids and this song are not owned by me blah blah blah.


Rin couldn't sleep, but then again, she didn't really want to. On those rare occasions when she finally did manage to fall asleep, she would almost always dream.

So, just like every other night she was left trying to come up with ways to not let sleep sneak up on her when she wasn't expecting it. She was left staring at the bright red numbers of the clock as they slowly clicked forward (It was always so slow, why couldn't they move faster?) Right now, to her irritation, the clock had just flashed two in the morning. The strain of going nearly three days without a minute of sleep was certainly catching up to her, but she wouldn't give in. Rin had gone longer than this without sleep, and by that point she had been so exhausted she hadn't dreamt at all when she finally had succumbed to slumber.

As the red numbers of the clock slowly crept forward she was left alone in the bedroom, with only the sounds of the night and the whispers of the city keep her company in the long night ahead.

OoOoOoO

Rin was stirred from her not-sleep by the soft light of the rising sun peeking through her blinds. She stumbled out of bed and pulled the blinds up, admiring the skyline of the city. Most beautiful of all, and so far away it could barely be seen, was the stark outline of a nuclear power plant, its twin towers so much more awe-inspiring than the thin sticks of the skyscrapers. Sometimes, Rin wondered what it would be like to look inside one of those reactors, no even better, to fall in one and see that beautiful light before you are erased from existence. If she could choose a way to depart from this world, Rin would certainly choose falling into a nuclear reactor.

She shut the blinds after admiring the reactors before going onto her normal, boring, and surely aggravating day.

She had made plans a few weeks ago to meet up with a group of friends, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say they had pressed her into making these plans. It had been a long time since they had all gotten together, and they weren't about to let Rin slip away just because she didn't feel like going.

The get together was at a small deli in the city, famous for its better than average submarine sandwiche and outdoor patio area. It was within walking distance of Rin's small apartment, so she could delay the visit for as long as she could. It was only with the greatest of effort that she actually managed to arrive on time. Her friends hadn't changed much since when she had known them before, (That thought both soothed and repulsed her) sure, some had gotten a little taller, but otherwise nothing had changed. They greeted her with smiles and laughter and offered her a seat at the table, which she had taken without comment. Rin was a bit surprised when they had fretted about the dark bags under her eyes (Had there been a time when she had been without them before? She couldn't remember) and the sloppiness of her clothes. (Before she had taken great pride in her appearance. Now, it was both a waste of time and good clothes.) She had laughed and told them that unlike them, some people change for the better over the years, and they had laughed with her.

She had parted from them with a fake smile and a promise to get together later. Rin wasn't sure if she was going to honor that promise or not, she didn't care either way. All she wanted to do now was to go back to her apartment and look at the reactors some more. She never knew why, but whenever she looked at the reactors, she would feel almost normal again, like how she was when she could fall asleep without fearing her dreams.

Still, she had to walk home first in order to catch a glimpse of her beloved reactors, and the crowd was starting to thicken. It always struck her as ironic that it was when she was surrounded by countless multitudes of people that she was painfully aware how alone she was. If Rin had it her way, though, it would stay like this. She really didn't want the attention of crowds, especially on someone like her. Acting on some half-remembered instinct, she lowered her head and tucked her hands into the pockets of her pants, like an animal trying to avoid being seen by something. Rin tuned out the loud drone of the mass of people as best she could and weaved through the crowd. No one paid her much attention.

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw a flash of white,

Immediately Rin froze, staring at where whatever she thought she had seen was.

There it was again, hidden deep in the crowd but certainly there. Without a moment's hesitation Rin threw herself towards whatever it was, not caring if she pushed people out of the way or bumped into them anymore. She didn't care about these strangers' irritated yelling or meaningless prattle, the only thing that mattered was the white that she was quickly catching up to. She could almost see it clearly now, she could almost reach out and grab it-

Suddenly, the crowd opened up. Rin was in the middle of some sort of rotunda, with a few statues littered here and there. In the middle was a large fountain, where a few people were milling about and splashing water at random passers-by. Further past the rotunda, there was nothing except more the other side of the city.

There it was again, by the fountain. Standing all by herself, facing away from Rin was a little girl of about five or six. She was barefoot, with both arms folded behind her back. Neither the people at the fountain nor anyone else seemed to take notice of the girl, nor did she take notice of them.

Before Rin could do anything, a large crowd of people walked between her and the fountain. She lost sight of the girl for a moment, and in her panic frantically pushed her way through.

However, when she could see the fountain again, the little girl was nowhere in sight.

OoOoOoOo

When Rin finally got home, she didn't turn on the television or eat snack food or any of her normal afternoon activities. She didn't even look at the reactors like she had wanted to. All she could think of was the girl standing near the fountain. The glimpse of her, short as it was, had completely unsettled those long-ago feelings she had tried desperately to forget. Despite herself, all Rin wanted to do was to go to her room and sleep for awhile.

Rin tried everything to distract herself from what she had seen, she tried watching the television, but her normal daytime fare was wearing thin today. She tried to relax with a book, but the words kept sliding off of the page and rearranging themselves into words she didn't want to read. She indulged in a new pack of chips, but this bag just wasn't as good. She even got desperate and ransacked her closet for something fashionable to wear, but none of the styles seemed to click. The only thing that had really registered was an odd dress that she didn't quite remember. Somebody had given it to her, Rin remembered that much, but she didn't remember when, or who. The dress itself was a bit strange, it was very short and was sleeveless, though it did have a sailor-type collar on it, and so it wasn't that revealing in the front. Both the collar and the dress were black on one half and white on the other, though the collar's pattern was opposite that of the dress. To top it all off, it came with a pair of long black gloves and a matching pair of thigh-high boots. Just for the hell of it, she decided to put it on. Suffice to say, it looked even weirder on her than it did on the rack, but she kind of liked it. In fact, in a way the mismatched colors represented her in a way. Something was missing, though… she rooted though her dresser until she found the final touch: a white ribbon. After fixing it in her hair, Rin admired herself in the mirror, her ensemble complete.

The fatigue of the last few days, and the last few hours even was really starting to wear on her, and without knowing it, Rin had lain down on her bed. She could hardly keep her eyelids open, and the new dress was more comfortable than it looked.

The image of the little girl drifted by, but instead of agitating her, it just made Rin want to sleep even more. Without much of a struggle, she drifted off into unconsciousness.

OoOoOoOo

It was that dream again. The one that had made her so afraid of sleeping.

She was in a hallway of a house, the house she grew up in to be precise. It was an early afternoon, with sunlight streaming through one of the large windows lining the hall. When Rin was growing up, she loved to run down this hallway as fast as she could, never mind her mother would always scold her and tell her if she wasn't careful she would hurt herself. She liked it best in the afternoon, when the sun would light up the white hall and make everything seem almost ethereal. Now, the hallway was empty, it was just her staring through the windows. Rin registered that she was still wearing the outfit she fell asleep in, and for one moment she realized this was a dream, but that moment of clarity passed as soon as it came. She heard footsteps behind her, not the slow, heavy footsteps of an adult but the light thumping of a child running at top speed. She turned to see who it was, and then the dream changed.

Rin was still in the hallway. The afternoon sun was still streaming through the windows. One of the curtains rustled, maybe by a summer's breeze gently streaming through an open window.

Only now, her hands were wrapped around the neck of a little girl in a white dress.

She never knew how or why, all she knew was that she was pushing the girl against one of the windows, lifting her off of her feet until the girl was almost eye level to her. No matter how hard Rin tried, or how much she wanted to let go, she couldn't. If anything she could only squeeze tighter. She couldn't or wouldn't see the girl's face, she could only focus on her dark gloved hands grasping at the girl's neck. The girl never moved, or struggled, or even tried to pry away the larger woman's hands. She just hung limply, waiting, silent. The only reason Rin knew the girl wasn't already dead was the sensation of her heart-beats beneath her fingertips. They would stand like that for a while, the girl and the woman, neither one speaking a word. After awhile, with tears flowing freely from her eyes, Rin would always manage to look at the girl's face.

Staring back at her was Rin's own six-year own face.

Then the girl (Was Rin herself or was the girl Rin?) would look Rin in the eye with an expression that Rin could only describe as immense sadness and pity. Then, ever so slowly, those eyes that were too old for a six-year olds face would close, and Rin would always wake screaming.

This time, something changed.

She was falling, falling towards a blue light that was growing closer and closer. Somehow, Rin knew she was in the reactor, drifting towards eternity. This was too clear and too real to be a dream. The vague sense that passes for awareness in dreams was gone, if anything she was hyperaware of everything. She could feel the heat of the air as she fell closer to the light, she could smell something that could only be described as lightening. She could even hear the faint humming of the core. Instead of fear, all she felt was an insane sort of glee, the only happiness she had felt in a long time. The light was so bright it was hurting her eyes, but she didn't care.

It was even more beautiful than she could have ever imagined.

Rin reached out towards the light with both her hands, calling out to her savior lying in wait to devour her. Tears of unbridled joy were streaming down her face, trailing behind her in a luminous blue trail. The glow of the reactor was so close now, and she couldn't get there fast enough. After all of this time, after all of this pain, she would finally be free.

As she got closer, though, Rin saw something else in there with her.

It was the girl in the white dress, her back to the light. The eerie way her face and dress was illuminated by the light and the limpness of her limbs reminded Rin of a doll carelessly thrown into a garbage can. The girl was falling slower than Rin was, yet she was still almost fully enveloped by the light. At first, Rin was confused. What was the girl doing here? She wasn't supposed to fall into the reactor, just Rin. Wouldn't she be freed if Rin could only dissolve away and leave this world behind?

The girl seemed to notice Rin, and in that moment Rin saw the same look that she had seen in her eyes when she had been strangling her. The same pity, and the same sadness. Then, Rin finally knew.

Instead of reaching for the light, Rin was now reaching for the girl. The girl reached out for Rin too, and perhaps for a moment, their fingertips touched.

Then, the blue light enveloped all, and there was nothing.


End file.
